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i think i'm paranoid...   
11:51pm 13/10/2008

this is driving me insane.
not even sure what.
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10:34pm 06/10/2008
  there is certainly something to be said for seeing a younger boy...man...guy...  
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it has only just occurred to me...   
07:50pm 17/09/2008
  what right do you have (as a perfectly healthy young man/woman) to be on the dole? why are you paid money to do nothing with you life (but party)? it's a bit of a joke.

get a job please!

it's making me want to tear my skin off and throw it at you and then vomit in your mouth as well. i now find you that obnoxious.

no offense...ish.
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12:11pm 29/08/2008
  i think everyones dreams came true last night.

except mine.

one life to live, live it with a hangover.
01:13am 18/08/2008
  none of you even know me!

get off!
birthday week...   
11:14pm 12/08/2008
  sunday; si's birthday, bowling like an absolute girl, mcdonalds and bobs house for beers and guitar hero. awkward?
monday; an excellent four course pub dinner alongside two bottles of eighteen pound wine from the rhone valley with my mum and christine, followed by a questionable night in becky's sisters house...with cider...followed by everything falling apart...
tuesday; me waking up to a million phone calls and texts...and it may sound silly but i'm glad i was thought of by some people in such a situation...just wish situations didn't happen! but everything was put right again by cups of tea and a five course french meal prepared by my mom! christine and i do enjoy french cuisine.

accidental boyfriend has well bought me john paul gautier perfume for my birthday...therefore i have to continue the charade until he goeeesss back to the army...or else i'll feel guilty as shit.

and tomorrowww we will have to see.
am missing too many people from my life for this to be perfect x
11:20pm 27/07/2008
  if i've offended anyone in the last week, i apologise. this includes punching, slapping and even crying over you.

self destruct.
11:18pm 27/07/2008
  i am fucking amazing.  
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girls, we are far too old for this kid shit.   
02:26pm 30/06/2008
  for children to cause that much murder between us is an absolute joke.
they really need to find something better to talk about.

i am going to leeds.
i payed far too much for my ticket.
i don't care.

and no, i can't hold down a boyfriend (either.)
i don't even want one.
the break of dawn and our hearts are racing.   
02:01pm 23/06/2008
  everyone goes on and on about forgiving and forgetting and moving on and grieving and putting things in the past and getting over things. but i'm not buying it.
i've had a lot of these feelings since ninety four. (for fucks sake, i was seven in ninety four. that makes me feel young as hell).
so why not make it permanent? ha ha ha.
12:31am 09/06/2008

at least there's that.
dear my dearest bibby,   
11:46am 05/06/2008
  i hate you...


you're welcome.
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like two passing ships in the night.   
02:54am 05/02/2008
  i'd rather not. i've got the whole world to worry about. i really really do.  
01:54pm 18/01/2008
  in·se·cure (ns-kyr)
1. Not sure or certain; doubtful: unemployed and facing an insecure future.
2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe: A shortage of military police made the air base insecure.
3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady: an insecure foothold.
4. a. Lacking stability; troubled: an insecure relationship.
b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety: had always felt insecure at parties.
happy new year.   
06:54pm 02/01/2008
  i am in love with every boy, ever.  
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02:17am 01/12/2007
  i could listen to nas for the rest of my life.

yeah and whatever, you know i care about you. and everyone else.
and it's not even like that, so don't even suggest it.
and i know loads of people cooler than you, so that's not the case either. ahaha, i kid i kid.

live hip hop, live.
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i love youuu   
12:20am 30/11/2007
  i'm not one for regrets, but...

sometimes, like now, i wish i could go back and change everything. really.

i feel more lonely than i have ever felt in a long time. but i've been here before. it's like going back to first moving here and not having close friends. or the transition from being close to mike/aaron/marc to being close with jo/chris/danni. that period of time in between was actually really lonely, drifting apart from the boys, but still not sure of my friendship with the girls.

again, i feel like i don't have any close friends anymore. i really really miss some people. i miss the things we'd get up to, making time for doing silly things throughout the week, hanging out on tuesdays with the girls, going for pointless but amazing drives with the boys late at night, ending up in random places like park gate and aj's garage. two thousand five had to be my favorite year ever. evan was even there for a bit of it! of course i miss her the most, but that's always, isn't it.

i'd have to say that aaron, christine, jo marc and mike were the five people that got me the most in this country and i wish i could see them all more. that sounds hilarious. AND EMMA. I CAN'T FORGET ABOUT EMMA. WE HAD SOME AMAZING TIMES. ILU.

i don't even know anyone in uni now that i'm a year behind. i am so thankful to work with nice people and a few friends. even the new girls are fun - tara with her drawn on eyebrows and hannah with her australian accent. boss. we have a laugh. and of course all the guys that work there - i'm in love with them all, obviously. work has definitely become something to look forward to. i even get excited on the hour long journey there - sending dumb early morning texts to people like jo and perfecting my makeup - best part of the day. i work thirty seven and a half hours a week and i love it.

i absolutely hate the way i write on livejournal...
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well well well...   
12:29am 25/11/2007
  according to a certain little girl, i've had half, if not all of the north west.
buuut i'd just like to clarify that i've only actually had four of the north west. and i've been living here for 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007. so therefore, not even one per year. unlike, her record of boyfriends which i know at least five of recently (and i'm not even counting.)
mate, i am single, sexy (not quite) and free and therefore able to get jiggy (oh yes) with whom i please. and just because i don't quite do relationships as of yet, (due to the fact that in my mind at the moment, 'the male species does not love.') are we not equal in learning to 'shut our legs'?
i mean am i not less of a slag than she is?
don't hate.

thanksgiving was immensely successful.
i like to see my mum that happy, doing what she loves, being an amazing hostess and throwing massive dinner parties with lovely food.
i'm quite happy!
10:55pm 21/11/2007
  i may sound like a hypochondriac, but the area where i presume my heart resides has started to hurt as of late, like throughout the day.
but i've only been without thyroid and blood pressure medication three weeks. and i've kept up with my adderall. (as my dad is very shit at refilling and shipping my perscriptions!)
maybe that's putting stress on my heart? oooh, perhaps.
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"my family tree is losing all its leaves."   
10:25pm 19/11/2007
  so this is what it feels like to have a full time job. eat/sleep/work on repeat. i'm beginning to understand what some people have meant. i can't say that i don't enjoy it though. it's just a lot. thirty and soon to be thirty seven hours a week. plus university four hours a week... i don't know if i have time for anything else. with thursdays and fridays off, i end up sleeping...a lot. maybe one night out a week, if i can be persuaded by housemates. but i really don't mind. i don't feel like i'm missing out on anything. i've probably been there/done that (and ten times worse.) seeing friends stops at working with aaron/marc/aj/maybe even dean and living with siobhan/manon/naddine/sally j/sally. so that's just colleagues and housemates. as far as the others go, i keep in touch through silly little comments/text/e-mails/even letters here and there. i guess it's up to people to not forget me! :)

i do enjoy sending people mail/slipping secret presents into coat pockets at work/leaving notes around house. three activities that help me cope with the days and days of monotonous activitieees.

and very much enjoy these...///!